Still can't find a solution for "it's all in your head" ED. Advice?

[Caravan]

Hi everyone.

Name's Mark, been coming here on-and-off for a couple years now. Still battling some ED issues.

I'm 24 years old, 5'9, 160lbs, in pretty good shape (don't workout but my work is rather active). Outgoing, Generally confident, I'll be getting my bachelors degree pretty soon, I'm a happy guy.

I've been battling psychogenic ED since I first starting dating women when I was about 17. It took me 6 months with my first girlfriend until I could get an erection that could sustain enough for us to have sex. Things got better for me and I could perform every time with zero problems. We dated for 3 years and broke up in 2008. Had a couple one-night-stands (generally unsuccessful) and flew solo until 2010 when I started dating another girl. Things were fine at first. After maybe 3 months of dating my erections started getting softer and I was having trouble achieving them. My girlfriend wasn't much of a help psychologically. She said it didn't bother her when I didn't get an erection, but I know it did. I think it was a self-image thing for her. She was very pretty but a lot of girls I see are like that. We dated for a little over a year and then some shenanigans with her ex boyfriend happened and we split up. I don't know whether or not it was right or not to do so, but I kind of blamed myself for the tension we had in our relationship due to my ED. As a rough estimate I'd say that I could perform 50% of the time.

This whole situation really stressed me out. While we split up, sometimes I couldn't achieve a rock hard erection even when masturbating.

I expected to be single for a long time while I 'figured myself out' with this situation. But, I met a girl a few months ago and things have been very good. I care for her greatly, she's younger than I and full of energy. She's also gorgeous and a lot of fun. The first time we had sex it was absolutely 100% to my potential. We had sex for hours. The first few weeks were like that.

Then I started to stress out about it. What happens if I don't get an erection? Will she make things weird like my last girlfriend did? Will she dump me? Will she blame it on herself? All of these things start running through my head. For the greater part of 3 years I haven't looked forward to sex, it just causes big amounts of anxiety. Things just snowball and it drives me up the wall. It's gotten to the point, just like my last girlfriend, that I can only achieve an erection 50% of the time. It doesn't seem to bother her as much, and she gets off just fine when I give her oral, but I still feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and feel like I am essentially a failure of a boyfriend if I can't perform.

When I can get an erection, I feel powerful, masculine, confident. When I can't, I feel weak, timid, and nervous all the time. The feeling could last for weeks.

Has anyone conquered this? I had all the male plumbing checked out - all OK there. Been through cialis/levitra/viagra/vigamed stuff.

I just need to get this out of my head! Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated. Thank you in advance.

[Flavio]

You mentioned several times on this forum that you consulted a urologist. What did he tell you exactly? Any chance this might be a case of organic ED?

[Caravan]

What is organic ED? It's all a psychological thing. I've been checked out by two urologists, the plumbing is fine.

It works when it wants to, if I think it's not going to, then it won't, but if I think it will, then it will. One of those things.

I've been seeing a therapist about this problem but I think we're approaching it the wrong way. She's trying to make me more comfortable with my girlfriend. I'm plenty comfortable with her. My girlfriend is very accepting of this situation. If I can't please her with intercourse there are always other things I can do with her that make her happy. It's just a problem I'm having with myself.

Maybe if I could get myself into a routine physical activity that will increase my confidence level?