Performance Anxiety still not overcome.

[Caravan]

Hi everyone. Back again, been a little while.

Been 'around the block' with this, back again one more time. This might get kinda long, but I would appreciate your input so bear with me.

Me: 23, in pretty good shape, 5'9" 155lbs. I don't exercise much but have a good metabolism. I smoke occasionally. I don't eat all that well. I don't think any of these play an important roll in my PA.

I've been dealing with performance anxiety since I started getting close to my first girlfriend when I was 17.

When I was 17, it took me and my girlfriend about 6 months of dating until we had sex. Partially cause we were young and taking it slowly and partially cause of my PA at the time. We ended up dating for about 3 years. After I got over the PA (took about 6 more months), everything was fine.

I've had a few girlfriends and miscellaneous drunken party hookups (most don't end well), but I've never been able to overcome this PA.

My last girlfriend and I dated for a little over a year. The first few months, sex was great! I was a little nervous sometimes but it subsided and I always was able to perform. Life gets in the way sometimes. Occasionally I would get all worked up about it and go soft. And it would drive me OFF THE WALL. Literally. Until I was able to perform again, I'd be a manic depressive, I don't know why, unable to think about ANYTHING else. Panic attacks, the whole bit. I can say with certainty that I never got comfortable as I could have been with her.

Fast forward a while and we split up. Back to the (less stressful and almost relieving) single life again.

I find myself shying away from hanging out with new people, especially women. I'm like a giant ball of anxiety, and I can relate it directly to PA. What's the point in going after a girl if I won't be able to perform? I find myself looking at potential girls not as "would they be a decent girlfriend", but "would they put up with this?"

Generally I'm an outgoing person and don't have a problem being a sociable person. But this is dragging me down.

I hung out with my ex last night, we got a couple drinks down the street from her apartment, one thing led to another and we went into the bedroom. (pardon me if this is too graphic). My thought process was exactly as follows. "This is totally not going to happen tonight, I'm not going to even bother trying." I puss out and we fall asleep, but are woken up by thunder and lightning a few hours later. "Sweet! Let's do this!" We go at it and have an excellent time. I wake up in the morning and leave for work.


Has anyone had luck with general anxiety medication? I feel as though something like that to keep my mind from darting back and forth from "oh crap this isn't going to work" to "this is gonna be great!" may help significantly. I just need my confidence back. Right now it's long gone.

Even the thought of sex makes me anxious.

I'll also add that I've tried Cialis, Cialis for daily use 5mg (seemed to work pretty well but not 100%), Viagra, Vigamed, Levitra. Been checked out by the best Urologist team in New England, all the physical stuff is in good working order.

Any kind of help would be appreciated. Anyone like me out there?

-Mark

[Flavio]

[...] Occasionally I would get all worked up about it and go soft. And it would drive me OFF THE WALL. Literally. Until I was able to perform again, I'd be a manic depressive, I don't know why, unable to think about ANYTHING else. Panic attacks, the whole bit. I can say with certainty that I never got comfortable as I could have been with her.
[...]

Hi Caravan!

I can definitely relate to what you're saying and I believe my experience is very similar to yours. Anxiety is a terrible, almost incapacitating condition and it can affect all aspects of life - not just sex. It is also an underestimated condition: most people don't see it as a serious health problem. When I told a friend of mine about my anxiety, she simply said 'you have to learn how to breathe!'

Sexual performance anxiety is particularly complex, we still know very little about the brain - sex relationship and there are no easy solutions. It will take time, it's a difficult path to follow but you will get there.

In my case, I can safely say that my sexual problems are a thing of the past. It was a long battle but I never quit. Today sexual intercourse no longer scares me and I'm able to have sex without any drugs - even though my erections are not as firm, then.

In your case, I suggest you try to find a regimen that suits your specific needs and this will take time, of course. Maybe you can add an anxiety drug (SEREDYN could be a good option) to your regimen but make sure it does not have any sexual side effects and, most importantly, always ask your doctor first. And, because you are young and healthy and there's nothing organically wrong with you, this should not be a permanent solution. As soon as you get more confident, you won't be needing those drugs anymore.

And yes, there are many, many men who share the same problem but the vast majority of them are too scared to post their experiences on the internet.

[Caravan]

I agree, I just want to get it all figured out. No sense in ignoring the problem.

I think I'll start on some anxiety medication and see how things work out from there. I have an appointment with my doctor later in the week.

[Rampart]

I have had performance anxiety, and I can tell you that I hated it very much. It just ruins sex and made me want to avoid it completely. I finally talked to a urologist.

I did not take anxiety medications, but I did try Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, and finally settled on Viagra. This gave me a bit of a boost, and after a while, the anxiety subsided a great deal. It's still there, but at a controllable level.

So I don't know what solution would be best for you, but I do encourage you to talk with your doctor and see what options are available. Rather than worry, take action and kick anxiety in the butt.

Good luck!

Tim

[mike099]

I take a generic of celexa for general anxiety(6 months now), but not performance related. I also take a generic viagra for ed and have been for a few years. The celexa helps my anxiety, but one good/bad side effect is it takes a while for me to ejaculate and sometimes not at all. Good for my wife, since I can last a lot longer. I have heard that celexa alone will kill your sex life.

[Caravan]

Kill your sex life how, cause you can't finish?

I still haven't been able to get to my doctor, the people I see are New England's best and it's tough to squeeze me in.

I'm generally a confident guy, but somehow I'm letting this get to me more than it should. Hopefully I'll get in the doc's office soon.

[mike099]

What I meant to say was the 'wanting to have sex' not necessarily the ability. If you go to different forums on drugs and effects a lot of men and women say they lose their sex drive while on these types of drugs. It does not affect me that way. I could go most every day if my wife was willing.