Looking for help...

[madison97f]

Hi everyone, I'm 22 and I've had psychological ED for the past 2 years. The problem began one morning after spending the night with my now ex-girlfriend. She was the first and only person that I've been intimate with. We were both virgins and she wanted to wait until marriage for sex, but was ok with some foreplay. I asked her to give me a blowjob for the first time, but she looked uncomfortable and I think it frightened me because I felt so nervous that I was unable to get an erection. This was the trigger that started my performance anxiety.

Ever since, I've been unable to get an erection by looking at porn, by fantasizing, or if I was anticipating intimacy with my ex. It's like my brain has been rewired so that anything sexual that used to produce an erection instead will subconsciously trigger anxiety that causes ED. The anxiety feels like the nervous feeling you get before a big exam. It happens no matter how much I try to relax. Now, I can obtain an erection through manual stimulation. Also, I sometimes wake up in the morning or during a dream with an erection. I'm able to masturbate, but I have to use my hand to provide physical stimulation to become erect. If the stimulation stops, then so will the erection. I can get completely hard doing this and don't have any problems ejaculating. I was still able to be intimate with my ex by using my hand to work myself hard before she would go down on me. This usually worked, but the erection was essentially forced and would never occur through natural psychological response. I noticed that sometimes I would get a natural erection if I was just kissing or cuddling with my ex and there was no pressure to have to perform.

Now, I've been to a PhD psychologist as well as a therapist. I only went to the psychologist once. He agreed that I had performance anxiety. He thought it was due to my relationship (conflicting values) and suggested I leave my former girlfriend. The therapist worked with me on general anxiety techniques like thought stopping and positive self talk. We did this for maybe 2 months, but it didn't really help.

I recently broke up with my girlfriend for reasons unrelated to my ED, and I'm now looking to finally rid myself of this frustrating anxiety. I see three approaches. First, is to simply wait and see if the anxiety subsides as I get over my feelings for my ex. Second, is to visit a sex therapist for their advice. Third, is to try an ED medication such as Vigamed. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Flavio]

[...] Now, I've been to a PhD psychologist as well as a therapist. I only went to the psychologist once. He agreed that I had performance anxiety. He thought it was due to my relationship (conflicting values) and suggested I leave my former girlfriend. The therapist worked with me on general anxiety techniques like thought stopping and positive self talk. We did this for maybe 2 months, but it didn't really help. [...]

Sexual performance anxiety is a biochemical phenomenon. Just talking about it or thinking positive won't help.

Information is the #1 step towards a full recovery. I recommend you do a lot of research, talk to doctors, read books (I suggest the works of a famous urologist called Tom F. Lue). The more you know about these problems, the less stressful they will be.

The second thing you should do is go see a urologist. Self medication is always a risk and even if this is just psychological, a urologist will be able to help you.

I suffered from sexual performance anxiety for many years but today I have a great sex life. Cialis and Vigamed did the trick for me but this may not work for you. Only a urologist can tell what's best for you.

[Flavio]

[...] The anxiety feels like the nervous feeling you get before a big exam. [...]

Yes, this seems to be a case of sexual performance anxiety but only your doctor can say for sure.

Before you move to more 'drastic' solutions (PDE-5 inhibitors, Vigamed), I suggest you try something simple: SEREDYN may be helpful in your case. SEREDYN is not an ED treatment, it is a natural supplement for the treatment of anxiety that contains L-theanine.

Again, consult a urologist before you decide to try anything.