Performance Anxiety

[Caravan]

been two days now, no cigarettes, using the nicotine gum stuff. Seems to work pretty well. Hooray!

[ydrohoos]

Time to introduce myself i suppose...

I am a 29 year old male in good health. 189cm tall and around 83 kgr weight.
I exercise relatively regularly and, in general i am in quite good shape.

I suffer from psychogenic ED...

As a kid and teenager i was always very confident, very good in sports and girls used (hopefully still do) consider me attractive. I had not self esteem issues at the time whatsoever.

The first time i had sex was in a brothel at around 15 -16. In Greece it is sth like a right of passage for boys and it is common for guys to have had their first time with a prostitute. I was quite nervous but the prostitute likely took care of me quite well.

The first time i had sex with a girlfriend was around a year later. It went ok and i loved it but the girl was only for holidays in Greece so it was a short term relationship. A few months later ('97) i met this girl whom i did not like very much but i wanted her because i knew that i could have sex with her as she had the reputation of being quite "easy". After a few weeks i got the opportunity to do it and guess what...? I couldnt even get it up !!! The fact of the matter is that i had no issues getting it up on my own and my sex drive was totaly intact. If anything, a little bit even seeing naked boobs in pics will get me hard.

This was such a shock to me and in some ways it has transformed me as a person. I begun being fearful of sex and although i would get opportunities to have it, i tended to avoid it in case things wouldn't work. I soon begun to doubt my sexual oriantation although i had never been sexually attracted to guys and soon this escaltated into full blown depression. I thought that my failure to get errect was perhaps a sign that i was gay. I begun thinking that maybe i was attracted to my friends and other men and that the fact that i used to fall in love with girls until then was due to the social norms a guy is subject to when he grows up. All this was very disturburbing to me. I nearly cracked.

By '98 i was over in the UK studying in a univesity. In the summer of '99 i had sex again after almost two years. I was very drunk and in general i tended to drink a lot and party hard since i was a teen. The drunkness was not an issue for me. I could do it very well and i would also last for a long time. Following this success i was sleeping with girls left right and center. All i needed was some booze and i was up for it like a maniac. I thought i was back to what i was before the ED incident. I was happy and confident.


In the winter of '99 i met my girlfriend. I have been with her since. We have lived together for 8 years but since 2008 she moved ot Greece and i stayed in the UK. In the summer of '01 i experienced sexual disfunction with her and that knocked me out completely, leading to the onset of a severe clinical depression. The issue of me possibly being gay exploded again and for months i was struggling to stop myself from doing sth stupid. Yes, this is how low erectile dysfunction had brought me...This was by far the worst period in my life. It lasted for about five months but it was a living hell.

I was so bad that i decided to see a psych and i was prescribed prozac; which is quite ironic considering that it can cause erectile dysfunction and libido problems. The prozac did help and perhaps had i not read that it could cause the aforementioned problems, i wouldn't have even noticed. But i did, and once i knew, i wanted to come off it.

Nowadays i am on Mirtazapine which i am not sure if it is as good as prozac for depression but at least they say that it does not have the sexual side effects that the SSRIs (like prozac) do. I have also tried Bupropion but i found that this was making me quite anxious so i stopped it.

So, since 2001 i have been on and off anti depressants, with the main issue being erectile dysfunction. The funny thing is that since 2001 i had experienced it only 8-9 times and that is with my girlfriend with whom i have been with for the last 9 -10 years. During this time I have seen other girls too (which is not a very honest thing to do - i know) and things tended to be ok althought i am always nervous. Overall it has happened to me very few times, i know that it can happen and that is enough to stress me out.

Even with my girlfriend I do get anxious and this is when i know that it can happen. For that reason i tended to keep my sexual encounters to around two-a-week and i would only go for it when i was quite sure that it would work. It had not happened for a long time until 2008 new years eve. Nowadays i do not live with my girlfriend (after 8 years of cohabiting) and everytime i see her i have more stress to perform. It has happened in the easter as well, while i was in Greece, and since then i have been quite depressed. In july she came over to the UK and of the five days that she stayed here we had sex only once. I did not even attempt to go for more because i was convinced that it would not work. I was visibly depressed too because of that and my girlfriend knows that it can affect me very bad, but thankfully she is quite understanding.

At the moment i would say that i am going through a difficult period. And ED is playing in my head a lot. It is the only thing that truly scares me. What if i dont get it up ? Will i be able to perform ? Will i be able to have a normal relationship without this fear in my head. I would like to be able to flirt and shag with the confidence i had when i was a teen.

At least i have put this fear of possibly being gay behind me for good (since 2005) and i know it was my head playing games with me. I know that there are guys who have questioned their sexual orientation as a result of experiencing an episode of psychogenic ED with a girl. If you are one of them, i can point you to some very enlightening articles about this, that will help you get rid of your fears very quickly.

I am hoping to get rid of the psychogenic ED issue as well which is basicaly a a fear of not geting errect. There are many people who have achieved this. An episode of ED is very common among men but most poeple overcome this quite quickly. I do not see any reason why we cannot overcome it.

I know it has happened to most people i know, but none of them made such a big issue of it all. We should be able to break this barrier too. In fact, i am sure we can.

I will try to contribute to the forum as often as i can and i will be happy to offer my help to anyone that needs it.

Long post, i know

[Flavio]

[...]

At the moment i would say that i am going through a difficult period. And ED is playing in my head a lot. It is the only thing that truly scares me. What if i dont get it up ? Will i be able to perform ? Will i be able to have a normal relationship without this fear in my head. I would like to be able to flirt and shag with the confidence i had when i was a teen.

[...]

Thanks for sharing your experience and welcome to the forum, Ydrohoos.

I know very well how you feel, my Greek friend. I am also an obsessive person (my shrink told me I have 'obsessive compulsive traits') and I've suffered from sexual performance anxiety for many, many years. I know how devastating psychogenic ED can be but, believe me, there are effective solutions available.

My case is a bit different, though: I was always able to obtain a strong erection but I'd sometimes lose it just before penetration ('coital anxiety'). I never avoided sex but I avoided penetration.

At the time, I didn't even see this as a health problem! Like the majority of men, I just suffered in silence: my self-confidence was low, I felt guilty and depressed about it and never took any action. And - again, like the majority of men - I didn't seek professional help and was a complete ignorant in these matters. Until one year ago, I had never heard of psychogenic impotence or sexual performance anxiety and I thought Viagra was only a placebo or a drug for old men!

I wish this forum existed 10 years ago - it would have spared me a lot of headaches and embarrassing moments. If I only knew back then that anxiety, depression and ED are closely related. If I only knew that ED is extremely common and easily treatable. If, if, if...

Anyway, I consider my ED problems to be a thing of the past. Today, I'm 32 y.o. and my sex life is better than ever. And if I can do it, so can you.

First of all, I suggest you read this forum carefully. It's an excellent source of information and, thanks to our wonderful moderators, all threads are genuine and dishonest advertising is kept at large. You'll soon find out that knowledge is indeed power. The more you know about sexual performance anxiety, the less frightening it will seem to you.

Then, I suggest you consult a doctor (urologist). It's no shame to seek professional help: ED is a medical condition like any other and doctors are there to help us. There are many effective ED treatments available and only your doctor can prescribe the right one for you.

(I suggest you read Willie's thread 'Concise List with Scientific Data of Every Currently Available Treatment' for more on this, it's excellent and very informative.)

Finally, I suggest you ask your doctor about Cialis, Vigamed and Seredyn. Cialis is the most popular PDE-5 inhibitor. Seredyn is a natural supplement for the treatment of anxiety that has no sexual side effects. Vigamed (oral phentolamine) is an ED treatment that inhibits the negative effects of stress hormones (adrenaline is an erection killer). Vigamed is not available in Europe but you can order it online: vasomaxclinic.com

Good luck and keep us posted on your progress, Ydrohoos!

[ydrohoos]

Thanks a lot for your reply Flavio. It is vey much appreciated.

[ydrohoos]

A quick question to Flavio regarding phentolamine.


Do you think it helps by perhaps inhibiting the stress response and the secretion of stress hormones. (Apart of course from its vascular action).
You always give very positive reviews about it and particularly in cases of psychogenic ed.
I have managed to find a generic supplier with quite resonable prices and i am thinking of giving it a go.

[Flavio]

A quick question to Flavio regarding phentolamine.


Do you think it helps by perhaps inhibiting the stress response and the secretion of stress hormones. (Apart of course from its vascular action).
You always give very positive reviews about it and particularly in cases of psychogenic ed.
I have managed to find a generic supplier with quite resonable prices and i am thinking of giving it a go.

It's not entirely clear how phentolamine works, some say it's a centrally acting drug, others say it only acts locally. One thing's for sure, though: phentolamine is not a sedative, it doesn't treat anxiety and it won't make you feel more relaxed. It may, however, block sympathetic action in the penis and inhibit the negative effects of stress hormones.

Vigamed is very effective and results are immediate: your erections will become stronger and last longer. When I take Vigamed, I am able to maintain my erections even I'm feeling a bit anxious or nervous.

I'm not an expert but I believe the best way to take phentolamine is to combine it with another ED treatment, e.g. a PDE-5 inhibitor - as long as you take small doses and there's no dangerous drop of blood pressure. I take Cialis and Vigamed on demand and I'm very happy with the results. Both drugs are safe and work sinergistically. You can also take phentolamine alone, it is very effective per se - especially in cases of mild ED and sexual performance anxiety.

I don't know any generic suppliers but if I were you I wouldn't take any chances and use only brand drugs. I don't trust generics. Yes, Vigamed is a bit expensive but at least you know you are getting a licensed ED treatment.

Always consult your doctor before you decide to start any of these treatments.