How to overcome sexual performance anxiety

[Flavio]

We've already discussed sexual performance anxiety here, but I'd like to share some new info with you.

Performance anxiety is a very common problem and the #1 cause of ED among young men. It's usually an underestimated condition ('oh it's just psychological') but it could have devastating effects, especially if you're and OCD type of guy like me.

I've done more research on this subject and I'd like to share some tips with you. What should you do if anxiety gets in the way?


1. Acknowledge that you have a problem

Most men prefer to stick their head in the sand and pretend there's nothing wrong with them.


2. Sexual performance anxiety is a medical condition

I've always suffered from this curse and never did anything about it. I used to think 'maybe this is a normal thing and I'm just not good enough in bed'. WRONG! Anyone can be great in bed and have a terrific sex life.


3. Do your research

The more you read and learn about this problem, the less daunting it will seem to you.


4. Sex therapy?

If this works for you, great. It didn't work for me, though. I consulted two different therapists and they were both sh**. They didn't solve anything and I spent a small fortune: one of the medical consultations didn't even last three minutes, the doctor (psychiatrist) just prescribed me trazodone and told me to go see a pscyhologist. I think sex therapy is sh**: sensate focus and all that crap won't help you much if you want to have sex with a stranger or in a brothel.


5. Meds

Meds are a last resort solution and you should take them under the supervision of a doctor. Most anxiolytics/antidepressants can actually cause ED and worsen your problem. There are, however, some effective drugs. My doctor prescribed me trazodone (Desyrel), but I didn't like it: it is an old drug and side effects were terrible (tachycardia, fatigue). I suggest VIGAMED (oral phentolamine, an ED drug that inhibits the effects of stress hormones), and an oxytocin spray.


6. Don't give up

Nobody's infallible and it's perfectly normal to fail every now and then.

[Willie]

I have to agree with you about sex therapy. The research says it can work for guys, but it didn't work for me. However, my ED is of a physical cause and probably didn't have much of a chance to get corrected anyway by therapy alone.

The biggest thing that surprised me about it was that there was nothing scientific about it. I thought I would go in there and undergo all sorts of tests to see what would trigger off an arousal response for me and what wouldn't. There was nothing of the sort. The therapist was a great guy, but all we did was talk about how to build my confidence. That and a bunch of "just focus on how good it feels and nothing else" type of advice. Didn't do anything, however.

[kadies]

Flavio, great information. I have been suffering from performance anxiety for years now. I have passed up so many opportunities on having sex it is embarrassing. I always think I will not be able to get it up or last long enough. The only thing that has worked for me is meds. I carry around 50mg of viagra in my wallet and if I feel I got a shot I take it. Otherwise I cannot get a full erection.

I have seen a urologist about it and he is the one who prescribed viagra but sometimes I believe he is full of crap and that there are others things I can do, I just have to break this habit of being scared

[Willie]

Actually, I used to have massive performance anxiety up until a few years ago. Two things helped me get over it.

1. Taking Viagra helped my confidence big time. I don't get nervous anymore with girls.

2. I dated a girl who I was extremely attracted to, and she was very supportive of me and never made me feel bad when I had difficulty keeping an erection.

That's how I got over it.

[Flavio]

Thank you for sharing your stories, guys. Sexual performance anxiety is a medical condition and it's no shame to seek treatment. I've suffered from this sh** all my life, I wish I had taken action sooner.

[kadies]

Willie,

How did she take it when you told her? I am way to shy to tell my lady that I cannot get it up sometimes? I feel that if we ever break up she will use this against me and tell all my friends, making me look like a jackass

[Willie]

That worry you have about her telling people is one we all share, my friend. I have the same concerns. But we have two choices: we can sit around and avoid women all day, or we can do the best we can and keep trying sexual contact. I prefer option two.

I eventually started talking about it with the girl I was dating after it became evident I had issues with getting and keeping it up. I told her I was going to see a urologist about it. That was a few years ago, and I am home again now on vacation. I spoke to this very same girl tonight, and she wants to meet up tomorrow and spend the night with me. I'm going to have to take some Viagra, and she knows it. She's beautiful and awesome. So...my example proves it can be done despite this pain in the ass condition we have.

[kadies]

Thanks for the response. I am going to talk to my girl about it becasue I do agree, it is time to stop avoiding her and let her know why I cannot have sex all the time with here. I just wish there was an option 3 that was easier and not as embarrassing.

[Willie]

I only chose to tell that one girl, however. This was after a long relationship and after I trusted her to not tell people.

With every other girl I've ever been with, I've used the medicines to help me get it up and I kept the secret to myself. Unless you trust the girl, there's no need to tell her.