Please help - Can't get an errection and feel like a failure
I am 36 years old and have had ED all my life.
Its getting to breaking point as nothing I try seems to work and it is making me so depressed!
First girlfriend I had was when I was 17 and living overseas. I could never get hard but I didn't think about it that much back then and she didn't seem to worry about it.
I returned to my home country a year later and tried having sex with a couple of other girls but it wasn't much better.
I never knew back then that treatment was available and so again I ignored my problem.
My mother had been diagnosed with cancer when I was 16 and died 6 years later (1997). I also didn't have a great childhood as my dad used to strap me alot and give up on me when I couldn't do something such as catch a ball as I had bad co-ordination when I was a kid.
During school I was shy and quiet due to my upbringing so I got picked on at school too.
I got married two years after my mother died (1999) but by this stage I had a falling out with my father as he kicked me out of home a year before.
My ex wife ended up cheating on me a few times and finally told me that the reason she did it for was because the sex wasn't good enough. She was drunk everytime she did it but it still was no excuse.
I could sort of get 50% hard with her and we always tried to have sex but it was never the way it should be and we could only do the one position which was on top.
My ex wife's father was like my father where he would always yell at me and put me down if I didn't do something right like helping him build a pergola on our house when he was a carpenter and I had no idea about carpentry as I am in I.T.
I have never been able to use a condom with anyone I have been with as I simply can't get hard enough to use one.
I got divorced form my wife in 2004 and met a nice girl who I went out with for a long time and that was about the best sex I have had as I was actually ok and could have sex in a few positions with her. Still couldn't use a condom though.
4 months into the relationship she went away for a couple of weeks on a holiday and when she came back I started having problems again.
I don't think I ever really loved this girl so i ended it. I met another girl and had sex with her but it wasn't that great either as I could only do the one position with her like how I was with my ex wife.
Over the last couple of years I have been with about three other girls and haven't had sex at all with them even though I tried to but my ED has got so bad that I can't even get erect anymore.
I can't even remember how long its been since I have woken up with an erection, must have been a few years at least. This is really worrying me.
I have tried sex therapy which kind of worked as I had it after I split up with my ex wife and the girl I met after her turned out to be the one I have had the best sex with.
Have also tried Viagra, Cialis, etc and they don't do anything for me.
Its to the point where I have lost all hope and am too scared to enter a relationship anymore.
I am a good looking guy and girls like me but I go out with some and always end it after a few dates cause I don't want it to lead to sex as I feel like a failure.
I have very low confidence and little self esteem due to my upbringing and events that have happened to me I think.
Also am under alot of stress as I live in an area where its very isolated and far away from everyone I know. I get very lonely and depressed from it all as a result.
Speaking of depression, I am pretty sure that I have been suffering from depression since i was young too. I have been on and off anti depressants but they don't really help me and it made my sexual performance non-existent.
Its to the point where I think to myself "what girl would ever want me like this?" It hurt like hell being rejected by my ex wife too and that she basically had to get sex from other men because I wasn't good enough. I did shift work alot though when we were together (4 days on, 4 days off) and she also blamed that for what she did as she said we drifted apart.
I also suffer from stress and have been under financial problems ever since I got divorced which was 5 years ago now.
I am working on getting out of where I am living and will be moving in with a friend and I am about a year away from being debt free bu this still doesn't solve my questions on whats wrong with me downstairs.
I have had blood tests and been physically checked out so there's nothing wrong with the mechanics as far as the doctors can see.
Can anyone please give me some advice as to what to do. Should I try more therapy? Are those nasal sprays any good? Also would trying one of those Blakoe rings be beneficial?
Thanking you in advance for your help.
I was so moved and touched by your whole story and want you to know that you are not the only one. After reading everything it is obvious that you developed "emotional ED" and performance anxiety at a younger age and your brain is trained to be scared of having sex. Erectile dysfunction affects men in different ways and most are able to treat it with certain natural herbs, proper diets and as a last resort Viiagra, Cialis or Levitra.
I saw you mentioned none of them worked for you and that you have tried all of them correct? What does your doctor say about all this? He must of given you some other option or treatment? Do not loose hope, there are still options for men who fail on the big 3 (Viagra, Levitra and Cialis). I was reading a thread yesterday about the "Boston Medical Group":
There is a user on this board named "john1967" and he works for the Boston Medical Group. If I am correct they are a private clinic which only specializes in extreme Erectile dysfunction in men and all their Doctors (Urologists) are experts in ED and they provide a type of injected medication to create an immediate erection. Check out the link above and try contacting "john1967" to see if there is a "Boston Medical Clinic" near you.
Hope you find a solution there and let us know your progress.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. We've all been there before and we know how you feel.
You mentioned depression, stress, anxiety, you also said that you're taking antidepressants - all this could be playing a major role in your ED and only a doctor can help you determine the exact cause of your problem. One thing's for sure, though: panic never helps and today there's always a solution to erectile dysfunction, no matter how severe (e.g. for the most difficult cases, doctors can prescribe alprostadil injections or the excellent TriMix Gel).
Don't lose hope, you're going to overcome this.
Thanks guys for the reply.
I feel like I have tried alot of things already but none of them have worked for me.
I haven't been taking anti depressants for a while now so that's not what is causing my ED.
I live in Australia and we do have a Boston Medical Group but they are based in Adelaide and I live in Melbourne.
I find it weird cause sometimes when I sit on the toilet I can get hard by doing pelvic thrusts with my penis. Its the only time I seem to get remotely hard though.
I'm not sure what kind of treatment to try next. When I go to the doctors they never seem to have much of an idea of what to do and I feel like I am just going around in circles as they only suggest viagra or to get another blood test done which I have already had.
I've been curious about the baloke ring and that nasal delivery spray but they cost alot of money and I would want to know if they actually do work on people first before I forked out the cash for one.
I've thought about taking Chinese medicines aswell but not sure what type to look for.
I really do feel like i am in the dark as far as treatments go.
Is there anymore advice that you think you could give me?
Thanks for everything so far....
Last edited by ScoobySnacks; 03-09-2009 at 03:04 AM.
I have never heard of these.
Originally Posted by ScoobySnacks
Viagra is not the only solution (it's not even the most effective) and there are many ED treatments available right now. Do your research carefully and try to find out which one is the best for you.
We've already mentioned alprostadil injections (Caverject), suppositories (Muse) and cream (Befar). The TriMix gel seems to be very effective in cases of severe ED. Vitamin E can improve the efficacy of PDE-5 inhibitors (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra). And some clinics in Europe are already using stem cell therapy to cure ED (I have no idea if they're reliable, though):
Stem Cell Treatment for Erectile Dysfunction — XCell-Center
Don't worry about money, your health is more important. I remember I spent a small fortune twelve years ago, trying to find the best solution for my hair loss problem - and it was worth it, believe me.
There are so many options and I reed up on the Blakoe Ring and it does seem like one possibility but what the others guys here suggest is not a bad idea. I went to the Boston medical clinic years ago and believe me it was worth it, they find a solution for you one way or another. Try to make some time and do the trip down to Adelaide, it will be worth it because they treat you for one day and the medications (mix of them most likely injections in your case) can be prescribed by their doctors for you to buy in Melbourne.
The difference between the doctors that keep making you ride around in circles is they do not have expertise in ED and the BMG does so they will not prescribe Viagra but give you an option that has to help.
Chinese medicine is a bunch on garbage and does not work 90%, wll this is my opinion at least. I will try to see what else might be an option for you but for now those are my best suggestions.
I am going to try the Blakoe ring first as I think its my best chance of beating my ED.
If that doesn't work then I will fly over to Adelaide and book myself into the Boston Medical Group. I hate the thought of injections though and it really turns me off just thinking about having to jab my penis with a needle.
The frustrating thing for me is that I have had tests that rule out that I have a physical problem downstairs. How do doctors test if your blood is flowing to your penis properly though? I have had blood test for my ED but I am not sure if they covered the blood flow to the penis part.
My problem could be in my head which means I may need alot of sex theory or hypnosis. I just hate not knowing and none of the doctors or experts can ever seem to give me an answer.
That sounds like a bullet proof plan. I saw the thread on this Blakoe ring and might just order it myself. Could you let me know if it worked and how it worked when you get it?
If it does not just fly over the the Boston medical clinic and I am sure they will solve this huge ED issue you have. I am not to fond if injections in the penis either but they say that they are so small you hardly feel it (diabetic type needles). The way they do a blood test is they run a small scanning machine on your penis which measures the blood in it on a graph (a little like the lie detector ones) and depending on the reading they give you a mixture for this injection.
Let us know ok
Will let you know for sure Sazop in regards to the Blakoe ring.
I'm not sure if anyone here is from Australia like I am but there is an Australian version of the Blakoe ring which is meant to be new and improved. Its called the Dr Roberts Energizer Ring.
Basically its modeled off the Blokoe ring as this Dr Roberts found out about the ring when he went over to Europe years ago.
The Aussie version also comes with a few books, a video, audio tape and phone support in case the energizer ring isn't working for you.
I will try the Boston Clinic if this doesn't work but I am hoping it does cause they say that the Blakoe ring can even cure impotence and you don't even have to wear it anymore once that happens. The ring should start working in as little as a few days to 12 weeks depending on the person.
It almost sounds too good to be true, hopefully it delivers!
I went to my doctors today and they are organising me to have a full blodd test. It turns out that the blood tests I have had haven't checked everything so this one will.
I am really annoyed that I never got a full blood test to begin with as I thought that's what they would have done.
Will be getting it done of Saturday and know the results on Monday so I hope they find something that's causing me the problem. I have a funny feeling though that its still going to be something that's in my head that is causing me to have my ED problems though.
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